Never Nights

The weather in Latvia went from wondrous sunlight to endless rain. It pours in the day and then pours around lunch, finally it pours in the evening when it's far too dark to see drops. Still, despite the rain, we try to go boating on a million dollar yacht. A beach house, jet skis, yacht, and five cars is where I'm stationed falling asleep to the waves. This is costing me absolutely nothing as my father and I were invited to stay here.
We sit up all night talking and walking around the booming streets. Why do we do this? Maybe it's all the coffee we drink since Europe is fueled on it but really it's because the sun never seems to set. At two in the morning, the sky shines an aquamarine blue with only navy clouds covering it's brightness. Despite the bright sky and high latitude, the sun still tries to set nightly. This is what I want to talk about.

Trying. 

Staying in a beach house really makes one think about everything. Some man made enough money to own this house and this wasn't by sheer luck. This man worked his whole life but not saved. He studied and tried his way through life --trying pays off. He tried his hand in different businesses and found something that worked.

My father is a perfect example. I look up to him not because he is my father but because of path in life. In Ukraine, he could have stayed in a stable job with a continual income --enough to buy a beach house. Instead, my father immigrated to America where he had nothing but he tried to build a new empire. He tried to learn English from the kids who he sold ice-cream to, he tried to read English from the newspapers he delivered, and he still has yet to stop trying building an empire after losing his high paying job. We had a three floor house with a gym and bar as well as a Jacuzzi outside because of his efforts at his job. Now we have a simple two floor house but he doesn't stop trying to make our lives better.  

Now I bring up myself. I have depression and I'm not scared to admit it. I battled self-harm for over a year before I put down my razor. Now, I am coming up to a year since my last mark. If I can take anything for that it would be the fact that I never gave up. I could have simply cut too deep and ended everything but something inside of me told me I was better than that and we all are. I try to stop my bad thoughts from coming back and I try to stay strong enough to be a role model for my sister. 

My book is the same story. I could have stop writing all together when my first portfolio didn't give me a stop in Denver School of the Arts but instead I tried again the next year. After another failure, I wrote by myself and created a novel. I tried to get agents behind me but those didn't work but I didn't stop trying to get my book out. I try because I want my voice heard and god dammit it will be. I am trying to get published in journals sending a submission a day. Currently I have more rejections than publications but I'm not stopping.

It's not me, or my voice, that journals don't want. I just fit in better somewhere else. I need to not give up on finding my spot. If I've learned anything in my life, it's that trying and not always succeeding is only the beginning to a beautiful life. For my readers, I want you all to try and be that one who doesn't quit.